"...per the brilliant Sports Club Stats"
(thank you Mr. Dater)

How are these numbers calculated?

Big Games

How we did last week and who we should root for this week.   Explain

Week of 8/25100.0*Chance in playoffs100.0*Wooden Spoon100.0*Average seed
Dynamo 2 Toronto FC 0 -2.9
Crew 1 New England 1 +0.5
If winner is:HomeDrawAway
Timbers vs Whitecaps+0.1-0.1-0.1
-13.4+3.9+13.2
+0.1-0.0-0.1
Timbers vs Rapids+0.1-0.0-0.1
-14.3+3.8+13.6
+0.2-0.1-0.1
Union vs Crew+1.1-0.4-1.8
New England vs Chivas USA+0.9-0.6-1.9
+0.0-0.0-0.1
Chivas USA vs Sounders+0.7*+0.1-0.5
-0.1-0.0+0.0
Earthquakes vs Rapids-0.3+0.2+0.6
+0.0-0.0-0.1
If winner is:HomeDrawAway
Week of 9/1100.0*Chance in playoffs100.0*Wooden Spoon100.0*Average seed
Rapids vs Timbers-0.1-0.0+0.2
+7.4-2.9-20.2
-0.1+0.0+0.3
Sporting KC vs Toronto FC-3.4+2.6+12.0
New England vs Union+0.5-0.2-1.1
Earthquakes vs Chivas USA-0.3+0.4+0.6
+0.0-0.0-0.1

* A starred number could be exactly 0 or just really small. The simulation did not run long enough to know.

What If

Chances based on how well the Timbers finish out the regular season.   Explain

100100100100100100100100100100
If finish:Chance inSupportersChance will finish regular season at seedWooden
TPW-D-LplayoffsShield12345678910SpoonCount
5110-0-0InNo4364811No266
499-1-0InNo134740No15
489-0-193.3%No20737No15
478-2-085.4No1076122No41
468-1-161.1No655354No167
458-0-253.5No350416No327*
447-2-130.0No1295317No821
437-1-213.2No013592620No2,106*
426-3-15.9No651385No2,111
7-0-34.4No4494160No1,327
416-2-22.0No23651110No7,181
5-5-03.9No437527No307
406-1-30.3No02055232No10,358
5-4-10.6No12256191No3,564
395-3-20.0No01150344No15,584
6-0-40.0No09493660.0%5,571
4-6-0OutNo1352304No312
385-2-30.0No043846110.033,941
4-5-1OutNo542449No3,827
375-1-4OutNo12452220.236,574
4-4-2OutNo22752190.221,282*
364-3-3OutNo01551330.860,187
5-0-5OutNo01349380.915,742
3-6-1OutNo11851300.62,714
354-2-4OutNo0743513.095,779
3-5-2OutNo0845472.417,760*
344-1-5OutNo231678.381,985
3-4-3OutNo0334637.162,083
2-7-1OutNo436605.41,255
333-3-4OutNo01227716.1130,756
4-0-6OutNo1198018.228,740
2-6-2OutNo1257414.59,124*
323-2-5OutNo0128829.2163,869
2-5-3OutNo0148626.937,407
1-8-1OutNo1158427.5298
313-1-6OutNo069444.9113,689
2-4-4OutNo079342.697,349
1-7-2OutNo89241.32,496
302-3-5OutNo039758.2160,985
3-0-7OutNo029861.234,085
1-6-3OutNo39756.612,268*
292-2-6OutNo19972.5166,883*
1-5-4OutNo019970.837,710
282-1-7OutNo010083.497,266
1-4-5OutNo010081.677,433
0-7-3OutNo010082.21,649
271-3-6OutNo010090.0105,091
2-0-8OutNo010091.224,983
0-6-4OutNo010088.75,948
21-26OutNo10097.2245,776*
Total:0.1%No000014148247.7%2,037,007

* Row combines multiple less frequent records.

Points
Chance Will Make Playoffs

Lottery

Ye of little faith, already thinking about next year. Here are the big games and what ifs for draft seeds.

Big Games

Week of 8/25100.0*Lottery seed
Dynamo 2 Toronto FC 0 -0.0
Crew 1 New England 1 +0.0
If winner is:HomeDrawAway
Timbers vs Rapids-0.4+0.1+0.4
Timbers vs Whitecaps-0.4+0.1+0.3
Union vs Crew+0.0-0.0-0.1
Chivas USA vs Sounders+0.1*+0.0-0.0
Earthquakes vs Rapids-0.0+0.0+0.1
If winner is:HomeDrawAway
Week of 9/1100.0*Lottery seed
Rapids vs Timbers+0.2-0.1-0.7
Sporting KC vs Toronto FC-0.0+0.0+0.2
Earthquakes vs Chivas USA-0.0+0.0+0.1

* A starred number could be exactly 0 or just really small. The simulation did not run long enough to know.

What If

100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100100
If finish:Chance will finish season at seed
TPW-D-L12345678910111213141516171819
5110-0-043684092
499-1-013472020
489-0-12027477
478-2-010571510
468-1-1635213197
458-0-2350723133
447-2-110296282871
437-1-2013226411720
426-3-151134331710
416-2-2205314117300
406-1-301164132910
5-4-11219422971
395-3-200731391930
6-0-4006283921500
385-2-30021737321110
4-5-10219393091
375-1-40626392350
4-4-200829382040
364-3-3002153634111
5-0-502133536141
3-6-103173732101
354-2-40062541243
3-5-2172741222
344-1-5011338398
3-4-3021540367
333-3-4006294816
4-0-605284918
2-6-2017314714
323-2-502175229
2-5-302195227
313-1-60084745
2-4-40094843
302-3-5033858
3-0-7033661
1-6-3044057
292-2-6012672
1-5-4012871
282-1-7001683
1-4-501882
271-3-601090
2-0-80991
0-6-401189
261-2-70595
0-5-50595
251-1-8298
0-4-60298
240-3-7199
1-0-9199
230-2-80100
21-22100
Total:000000000136132848